I'm on holiday.
In Genting now.
Using a cybercafe computer to type this.
This is apparently the worst holiday I've ever been to.
I dont eat much ; I dont talk much ; I do nothing.
When my sister & brother goes to play the indoor & outdoor theme park;
you find me at the cybercafe.
Cause I dont know why ; I just dont feel like playing.
I'm always with that sleepy & bored face.
I think its kinda stupid. Very stupid.
Well ; so far I've bought two shirts & a pair of knee length shorts.
Looking out for a green & a red shirt.
The colours in my cupboard are kinda limited.
I like buying clothes cause you get to try them on.
& I like the feeling.
I dont know if I'm making life miserable for myself.
It seems so ; but I cant help it.
It isnt even my fault in the first place & yet ; I'm bearing the consequences.
Its all because of you.
Because of you ; my SMS bill exploded.
Because of you ; my mum said on friday night that my phone is going to be confisicated for two whole months.
Because of you ; I cried like mad that night.
Because of you ; I have to fulfil your unfufilled promises myself.
Because of you ; I'm in this super bad state.
YOU KNOW WHAT ;
I'VE TAKEN UP A NEW NAME.
The ice queen ; with a frozen heart ; few words to speak of & whose smile has been lost to the skies above.
yeah ; frowning uses much more muscle energy ; but seriously ; just like what Rima says in Shugo Chara ; smiling seems kinda foolish now.
Cause people dont really seem to appreciate it.
So ; fine.
Some part of me is still fantasizing about impossible futures.
I try to stop myself ; but I still keep thinking.
Too bad it isnt that cold in Genting.
If not ; maybe I should try getting a frost bite or something to divert my attention.
&& I realised something yesterday.
I dont even want to zi-lian in front of the mirror anymore ; cause I cant make myself smile.
STUPID.
It used to be my so called hobby ; if you see my friendster album & stuff.
I'm like giving up so much ; for some reasons & it all seems pretty stupid.
Still waiting for an answer ; hanging on to nothing.