I feel forgotten ; somehow.
I guess I'm too used to having birthday parties & cakes & presents.
Suddenly ; I dont really see why people celebrate their birthdays.
You know ; I used to say that oh ; its no big deal not getting a cake & presents.
But I realise I do care about these stuff.
Its kinda weird ; to wake up tomorrow morning & say to myself:
"Amanda; you're fourteen"
Then I'll shoot back at myself : " So? No one remembers anyway."
I appreciate early birthday wishes but hearing them on the real date would show that you bothered remembering the actual date & it would be sweeter.
I know I have received presents from Celeste & Belle ; Thanks a lot.

Today ;
I spent my free time on MRT ; bus waiting times etc to read this book.
Its called : " God is in the small stuff and it all matters."
Celeste lent it to me.
I feel really good reading this book.
Makes me feel very close to myself.
I really feel like I'm feeding myself with spiritual food.
& I realized that when I read this book ; I like to be quiet.
Cause when I was sitting down on the bench & the LRT station reading the book ;
this guy came & sat beside me.
His music was so loud that I could hear through his earphones ; & I got a little irritated.

Just now ; I felt real bad.
I wasnt in the best of moods & my dad doubted me for doing my lit work.
So I shouted at him.
& then I felt like crying.
I'm always like that.
Disappointed ; anger ; tears.
I was holding back my emotions when I took the book & went into my room.
I locked the door & read two chapters(which are real short but have lots of meanings).
Then I prayed & teared a little.
But I'm okay now.

I think I'm quite childish. But cant do much anyways.

Oh ; this evening ; when I reached my condo bus stop ;
got off the bus & tapped the condo card to open the gate thingy.
My hands were all full & I could barely open the gate.
Then this guy was nice enough to help me push open.
I knew when I turned my head over & saw his hand on the gate.
I dont know why but my brain was kinda blank at that moment & my brain took so long to process that that guy helped me push the gate open.
When my brain finally processed the idea ; I wanted to say Thanks but it was kinda weird & super late.
I mean ; I would seem like I have super slow reactions or I was trying to start off a conversation which I so wasnt going to do so.
So I just walked off; saying thank you under my breath. :XXX
I used to talk about those people who never say thank you when I helped them hold the gate ; saying that they take things for granted & stuff.
So now I'm like scolding myself.
I feel bad you know.

I ate oreo mcflurry today cause I suddenly felt like eating it when I was at Belle's house doing project.

Even when everyone forgets ; God will remember.