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Friday, October 16, 2009 | 9:33 PM
numbed.
Numbed by pain,
can barely feel no more.
It never rains, it pours.
My cramp problem is back,
vomited at JP yesterday,
it was disgusting.
When I came home, my grandma scolded me for using her blanket
and even said vomiting is my own business.
She made it seem like it was my fault.
Hello, its not like I want to vomit and feel so much pain every time.
Who's the one that doesn't want to bring me to the gynae again for check up. (MUM)
Okay, fine, no one cares in the family.
And then today, I heard my uncle (dad's elder bro) has kidney failure.
No one is going to donate a kidney.
It'll be hard to find a donor out there.
He's the only breadwinner, and he being on dialysis is definitely going to take a toil on his job.
Nothing is good,
my tablet charger is spoilt,
reason why I can type this is thanks to Jia Yi for helping me charge.
I dont know why,
I feel void of feeling.
I feel numb.
I don't know what to feel, there's nothing to feel anymore.
And, my tastebuds seem to be dying on me.
Everything tastes the same bland way.
But who cares?
Do you?
i wish.
can barely feel no more.
It never rains, it pours.
My cramp problem is back,
vomited at JP yesterday,
it was disgusting.
When I came home, my grandma scolded me for using her blanket
and even said vomiting is my own business.
She made it seem like it was my fault.
Hello, its not like I want to vomit and feel so much pain every time.
Who's the one that doesn't want to bring me to the gynae again for check up. (MUM)
Okay, fine, no one cares in the family.
And then today, I heard my uncle (dad's elder bro) has kidney failure.
No one is going to donate a kidney.
It'll be hard to find a donor out there.
He's the only breadwinner, and he being on dialysis is definitely going to take a toil on his job.
Nothing is good,
my tablet charger is spoilt,
reason why I can type this is thanks to Jia Yi for helping me charge.
I dont know why,
I feel void of feeling.
I feel numb.
I don't know what to feel, there's nothing to feel anymore.
And, my tastebuds seem to be dying on me.
Everything tastes the same bland way.
But who cares?
Do you?
i wish.
Sunday, October 4, 2009 | 12:04 PM
it's killing me,
The gap that has widen far too much,
I can't see the starting and there doesnt seem to be an end.
The pain and hurt I carry inside,
with tears and fear,
I run.
I chase those images,
the memories that still remain.
Each day, the fear doubles.
The images get blurry,
the things I can remember reduce day after day.
Helplessness takes over,
no matter how much I try,
those images wont return.
I struggle,
I fall,
I force myself to get up and stay strong.
With the bruises I hide inside,
the undeniable hole that I can't repair.
I toss and turn in bed, clutching the blanket so tight.
No warmth seems available,
just cold wrapping around me.
Just like how she endangers her life to get back those voices in her head and to see those images flash by,
I think excessively in the day, hoping those pictures come back to me in my dreams.
But now, even dreams scare me.
I thought I saw,
and went to search frantically in the crowd,
but, it probably was an illusion.
I don't know why in the world I started this nightmare,
causing myself to suffer in this state.
It fears me to see my phone go quiet just after 2 replies,
it fears me to not know whats in that head anymore,
it fears me cause it seems that only I care,
it fears me,
it kills me.
Sometimes I wish something really bad would happen,
then I'll feel so much care from people.
If I really somehow need to get admitted to hospital,
take my phone and call the 7 speed dial numbers.
I ranked them, it shows how important those people are to me.
I can't see the starting and there doesnt seem to be an end.
The pain and hurt I carry inside,
with tears and fear,
I run.
I chase those images,
the memories that still remain.
Each day, the fear doubles.
The images get blurry,
the things I can remember reduce day after day.
Helplessness takes over,
no matter how much I try,
those images wont return.
I struggle,
I fall,
I force myself to get up and stay strong.
With the bruises I hide inside,
the undeniable hole that I can't repair.
I toss and turn in bed, clutching the blanket so tight.
No warmth seems available,
just cold wrapping around me.
Just like how she endangers her life to get back those voices in her head and to see those images flash by,
I think excessively in the day, hoping those pictures come back to me in my dreams.
But now, even dreams scare me.
I thought I saw,
and went to search frantically in the crowd,
but, it probably was an illusion.
I don't know why in the world I started this nightmare,
causing myself to suffer in this state.
It fears me to see my phone go quiet just after 2 replies,
it fears me to not know whats in that head anymore,
it fears me cause it seems that only I care,
it fears me,
it kills me.
Sometimes I wish something really bad would happen,
then I'll feel so much care from people.
If I really somehow need to get admitted to hospital,
take my phone and call the 7 speed dial numbers.
I ranked them, it shows how important those people are to me.
Friday, October 2, 2009 | 9:11 PM
from mylifeisaverage.com
Today, my dad was driving me home from school. We were at a red light, between two barber shops. One had a sign which read, "$5 hair cuts." The other had a sign which said, "We fix $5 hair cuts." MLIA
oday, I was at a stoplight when I noticed the car in front of me had feet coming out from the bottom. I sat in amazement of a real Flintstones car for 2 minutes before I realized there was a guy on a motorcycle in front of the car. MLIA.
Today, I was at the mall and just before I was about to walk inside, I noticed there was a homeless man standing on the sidewalk. I read his sign. It said 'spare change for a bigger sign to impress hot homeless chicks'...I gave him all the change in my wallet. MLIA
Today, I was at the grocery store in the bakery section when I heard a little girl hyperactively telling her mother what kind of cake she wanted for her birthday. After going through the catalog, she suddenly and loudly demanded a Hannah Montana cake, to which her mother replied, "But you don't even like Hannah Montana!" The little girl nonchalantly responded, "I know, I just want to eat her face." Our youth is doing just fine. MLIA.
Today, my friends found out I had a twin brother. They asked how old he was. MLIA
Today, we had to do a presentation on rivalry in English. All the really preppy girls did it over sports. I did mine over Batman versus the Joker. Guess who got more applause from the guys? MLIA.
Today, I shouted "Hey look! I'm INVISIBLE!" at people walking past me when they weren't paying attention. When they turned to look I pretend to try and find where the voice came from too so that they would be confused. It worked. MLIA
credits from mylifeisaverage.com
its really funny sometimes.
oday, I was at a stoplight when I noticed the car in front of me had feet coming out from the bottom. I sat in amazement of a real Flintstones car for 2 minutes before I realized there was a guy on a motorcycle in front of the car. MLIA.
Today, I was at the mall and just before I was about to walk inside, I noticed there was a homeless man standing on the sidewalk. I read his sign. It said 'spare change for a bigger sign to impress hot homeless chicks'...I gave him all the change in my wallet. MLIA
Today, I was at the grocery store in the bakery section when I heard a little girl hyperactively telling her mother what kind of cake she wanted for her birthday. After going through the catalog, she suddenly and loudly demanded a Hannah Montana cake, to which her mother replied, "But you don't even like Hannah Montana!" The little girl nonchalantly responded, "I know, I just want to eat her face." Our youth is doing just fine. MLIA.
Today, my friends found out I had a twin brother. They asked how old he was. MLIA
Today, we had to do a presentation on rivalry in English. All the really preppy girls did it over sports. I did mine over Batman versus the Joker. Guess who got more applause from the guys? MLIA.
Today, I shouted "Hey look! I'm INVISIBLE!" at people walking past me when they weren't paying attention. When they turned to look I pretend to try and find where the voice came from too so that they would be confused. It worked. MLIA
credits from mylifeisaverage.com
its really funny sometimes.
| 8:42 PM
DEAR JESUS,
DEAR JESUS,
Please grant Amanda her good nights' sleep.
Stop her from waking up at 3/4/5 am for nothing.
Put her to sleep till 9am, please, I'm begging you.
I'm dying from this stupid zombie life, not getting enough sleep and all.
my grandma doesn't want to give a sleeping pill to me.
Jesus, I pray you stop me from waking up.
My eye bags are so huge and I'm so used to feeling the crown of my head heavy, without enough sleep.
This is so gross, I just want to sleep like a log like how I used to be able to.
PLEASE ANSWER MY PRAYER,
SPRAY SLEEPING GAS IN MY ROOM TONIGHT OR SOMETHING KAY.
on her knees,
it's killing me.
PS. Prayers needed or some sleeping tips thanks.
Please grant Amanda her good nights' sleep.
Stop her from waking up at 3/4/5 am for nothing.
Put her to sleep till 9am, please, I'm begging you.
I'm dying from this stupid zombie life, not getting enough sleep and all.
my grandma doesn't want to give a sleeping pill to me.
Jesus, I pray you stop me from waking up.
My eye bags are so huge and I'm so used to feeling the crown of my head heavy, without enough sleep.
This is so gross, I just want to sleep like a log like how I used to be able to.
PLEASE ANSWER MY PRAYER,
SPRAY SLEEPING GAS IN MY ROOM TONIGHT OR SOMETHING KAY.
on her knees,
it's killing me.
PS. Prayers needed or some sleeping tips thanks.
Thursday, September 17, 2009 | 10:14 PM
For my favourite elder brother's pleasure.(:
hahahhaha, this is for Jun Ze, he keeps pestering me to update so here I am.
Have been busy la, with studies, house comm and all.
My mind has been really preoccupied too.
ANNDDD, I REALLY LIKE ANTM CYCLE 12.
Courtnie, London, Fo are like sooooooo prettttyyyyy.
But flipside of ANTM: the verbal fights.
so B****Y
ahh, choir ended so late today.
my shoulders hurt.
ANNDD everyone's saying did you rebond your hairr?
I'm like no, i just tie it like straight down, so my hair seems straight
hahah, I actually tied two today.
my neck was kinda irritated by the hair I think.
hahha.
oh wells.
I saw Uncle Ian today again(:
told him about the wei cheng and duncan thing
I think he went to told them off.
wahahha, power of having an awesome cool, uncle friend who is a teacher and liverpool fan and Christian(:
Oh, today had minor cramps in chinese class.
I did a quick prayer and felt lots better(:
thats why I say, my Daddy in heaven is better than panadol(:
pictures from icanread.tumblr.com and wordboner.com:
with love.
Have been busy la, with studies, house comm and all.
My mind has been really preoccupied too.
ANNDDD, I REALLY LIKE ANTM CYCLE 12.
Courtnie, London, Fo are like sooooooo prettttyyyyy.
But flipside of ANTM: the verbal fights.
so B****Y
ahh, choir ended so late today.
my shoulders hurt.
ANNDD everyone's saying did you rebond your hairr?
I'm like no, i just tie it like straight down, so my hair seems straight
hahah, I actually tied two today.
my neck was kinda irritated by the hair I think.
hahha.
oh wells.
I saw Uncle Ian today again(:
told him about the wei cheng and duncan thing
I think he went to told them off.
wahahha, power of having an awesome cool, uncle friend who is a teacher and liverpool fan and Christian(:
Oh, today had minor cramps in chinese class.
I did a quick prayer and felt lots better(:
thats why I say, my Daddy in heaven is better than panadol(:
pictures from icanread.tumblr.com and wordboner.com:
with love.
Monday, August 24, 2009 | 6:44 PM
A fat me.
Last night, we bought takeaways from Yew Tee Point.
I bought BK.
And I'm kinda angry with the cashier.
I said I want a mushroom swiss meal.
And then I saw that it was like more expensive than usual but I say anything.
Then when I got home, I realised she gave me the one with 2 meat patties.
Gosh, it felt terrible eating that.
I didn't like the fact that there were 2 meat patties.
And I took forever to finish.
I was really full after that.
THANK GOD THEY'RE RESUMING CHOIR RUNS THIS WEEK.
If not, it's no surprise my weighing machine breaks.
Went to queensway to buy a pair of FBT shorts and a school skirt.
My school skirts are really small and I wear them really high.
Got fed up so I decided to buy a bigger one.
Its so freaky-ingly long.
I've already asked my ah gong to give my gu gu help me alter.
HEH.
I really like my shorts too.
Addition to my black, dark blue,red and pink collection. (:
I drank sugarcane today too.
Though I think those at hawker centres taste better.
Haven't been to a hawker centre in a while.
CHAR KWAY TEOWWWW.
(dang. am I such a glutton. noooooooooo)
Jonas daddy is away at OBS.
Hahha, hope to hear interesting storiess.
AND, congrats Wan Lin And Jun Kai.
You guys are finally,
BAPTISED. :DDDD
(HAHAHAH, GEEZ, THAT SOUNDED LIKE A MARRIAGE CONGRATULATORY MESSAGE.)
I wonder when I'll be baptised.
Serena said she wanted to talk to me about it, but there's never time.
ANDD, I think Jun Ze has finally accepted the fact that he's elder brotherly.
He called my little sis that day.
So HAPPPY :D
FINALLY HAVE A NICE ELDER BROTHER.
Always so jealous of all those girls who have nice elder brothers who stand up for them or help them in those drama serials.
Hahaha.
PS. I'm typing in better english, cause Kar Yee said that my english on my blog is rather good so I must type in proper english.
我不要辜负好朋友。:D
I bought BK.
And I'm kinda angry with the cashier.
I said I want a mushroom swiss meal.
And then I saw that it was like more expensive than usual but I say anything.
Then when I got home, I realised she gave me the one with 2 meat patties.
Gosh, it felt terrible eating that.
I didn't like the fact that there were 2 meat patties.
And I took forever to finish.
I was really full after that.
THANK GOD THEY'RE RESUMING CHOIR RUNS THIS WEEK.
If not, it's no surprise my weighing machine breaks.
Went to queensway to buy a pair of FBT shorts and a school skirt.
My school skirts are really small and I wear them really high.
Got fed up so I decided to buy a bigger one.
Its so freaky-ingly long.
I've already asked my ah gong to give my gu gu help me alter.
HEH.
I really like my shorts too.
Addition to my black, dark blue,red and pink collection. (:
I drank sugarcane today too.
Though I think those at hawker centres taste better.
Haven't been to a hawker centre in a while.
CHAR KWAY TEOWWWW.
(dang. am I such a glutton. noooooooooo)
Jonas daddy is away at OBS.
Hahha, hope to hear interesting storiess.
AND, congrats Wan Lin And Jun Kai.
You guys are finally,
BAPTISED. :DDDD
(HAHAHAH, GEEZ, THAT SOUNDED LIKE A MARRIAGE CONGRATULATORY MESSAGE.)
I wonder when I'll be baptised.
Serena said she wanted to talk to me about it, but there's never time.
ANDD, I think Jun Ze has finally accepted the fact that he's elder brotherly.
He called my little sis that day.
So HAPPPY :D
FINALLY HAVE A NICE ELDER BROTHER.
Always so jealous of all those girls who have nice elder brothers who stand up for them or help them in those drama serials.
Hahaha.
PS. I'm typing in better english, cause Kar Yee said that my english on my blog is rather good so I must type in proper english.
我不要辜负好朋友。:D